I had a humbling moment a few weeks ago. As it may be for many parents, my 8-year-old son is the person who teaches me the most important lessons about life. Tucking him into bed late after he finished a homemade project that was due at school the next day, I said in my best trying-not-to-be annoyed voice, “I hope that if they have that project next year that we get more advanced notice so that you don’t have to stay up late the night before to complete it.” He answered in a matter-of-fact tone without even a hint of emotion, “I know. Especially when you have parents with busy schedules, and they aren’t home a lot to help.” Ouch. He wasn’t even upset. He was just stating a fact.
We have emerged from one of the busiest times of the year—the December flurry of celebrations, travel, retail stress, the Nutcracker, and whatnot. Most of us are busy anyway. If the loudest setting on the dial is ten, December goes to eleven. Still, I can sort of cope—get in a run here and there, get some sleep, or at least catch up on weekends, and eat sitting down as long as it’s in 10 minutes or fewer. I start fooling myself into thinking that I’m indeed managing it all. Then my son tells me the truth—that I’m too busy and he gets the short end of the stick.
Does this sound familiar?
As parents we have an enormous responsibility to care for our children, instill values in them, and also to model for them a balanced and healthy lifestyle. What message does it send when we are distracted by our smart phones during dinner, or can’t even create time for family dinners? If we don’t find time to exercise or sleep, are we telling our children that they too should give up on these basic needs?
Disturbing stories in recent years have pointed to the high rates of eating disorders, psychological distress, and in extreme cases, suicide among students at the most prestigious schools and universities in the world. The documentary Race to Nowhere, by local director and producer Vicki Abeles, puts a compelling and frightening perspective on the issue of stress in schools. Prospect Sierra faculty and staff viewed this movie last year, and parents were given two opportunities to see it, as well. In short, parents and educators are encouraged to be in partnership about the expectations for student achievement, and to lessen the pressure for children.
Prospect Sierra is an environment that supports adults and children having a life outside of school. To that end, here are some suggestions for slowing down, reducing stress, and increasing human interaction:
- Model for your child(ren) a balanced and healthy lifestyle. Make time for adequate sleep and exercise.
- Sit down for meals. Try to schedule at least a few family dinners a week.
- Put away the smart phone when you’re at home. Try to keep screens off for a period of time in the evening so that you can have real human engagement.
- Contact your student’s teacher or advisor if your child is spending too much time on homework in the evenings and weekends. What constitutes too much time depends on each student. A good gauge would be if your child is losing sleep or can’t engage in any family activities.
None of us is perfect and the list above may be more of a wish list than a to-do list. But our children keep us honest. I, for one, already plan to change so that the next time the big homemade project is due at my son’s school, I will have found the time to support him and will tuck him into bed. On time.
Katherine Dinh
Head of School